Edward Turns Detective
by Hufflepuff Ninja
Summary: Discontinued permenantly. OC in story is mega-sue. Reading may induce eye-bleeding.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: So, here I go with my first fanfiction. Keep in mind that I'm still fiddling around with styles and such, and that the wording of a few sentences may be awkward or confusing at times. Overall, just be nice. And I would really, really, really LOVE constructive criticism, even more than people just saying "OMG greatest story ever, you're so awesome" and stuff like that. Although if you manage to acknowledge my koolioness among constructive criticism, that'd be nice, too. (wink wink) NO FLAMES[End author's note

"Okay, so, let me get this straight. You actually want me to go investigate a murder case?" Edward stared at his superior officer in disbelief, wondering how much more utterly random missions Roy Mustang could assign for him.

"Yes, Fullmetal, you heard correctly. But it's not just one murder, it's several, numbering in the hundreds."

"You don't have to remind me to chase Scar, he finds me."

"Funny, but its not Scar. Not a single one of the victims were alchemists. Only ordinary civilians, men, women, children."

Ed sighed, rolling his eyes, "So you expect me to magically transform into a detective and go chasing some sicko?"

"Yes, Fullmetal, that's exactly what I'm saying."

"Right, so, where am I supposed to start looking? In Psycoland?"

"Hardy har har, no, actually, it seems most of the killings have taken place mainly in rural places. But the most recent one was here in Central, so I suggest you start searching for suspicious people around here."

Edward stormed out of the office, giving the Flame Alchemist a glare and a one-fingered salute as he left, slamming the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Now you'll all find out why this is rated T. OC cusses like a sailor with turrets. Heeheee. R&R, S'il vous plait.[end author's note

Alphonse followed closely behind a very, very pissed-of Ed.

"What did the colonel tell you to do, Brother?"

Edward muttered a reply.

"What?"

"I said I'm supposed to be chasing a murderer."

"Oh… But we're not detectives, why can't he find someone else?"

"Exactly what I've been thinking. Colonel Bastard probably enjoys setting me on wild goose chases for his ent- owwww" Edward's rant was cut off by a faceplant into the street. He looked up to meet the icy glare of a teenage girl with canary yellow eyes, crouching down on all fours, with her lips curled into a half-smirk, half-snarl.

"Why don't you watch where you're going, midget?"

Veins popped in Ed's temple

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICROSCOPIC MIDGET, YOU FREAKISH GIANT?!?!?!?!"

"I'm not a giant, you Fing dwarf!!!! F you!!!! Fing bastard!" she drew herself up to her full height, which, as much as she would hate to admit, was quite tall, only a few inches shy of six feet tall. She glanced at Alphonse, baring sharp, pointed fangs.

"What're you staring at, tin can? Never seen a chimera before?" She strode off without another word, but as she left, she flashed a double flip-off. Edward had gotten back up, still fuming, and ran off after her, yanking her back by her white hair when he had caught up.

"I'm not finished with you yet." Ed snarled

"Back off, shorty. Or else." Hissed the chimera, slapping his hand away.

Alphonse interrupted quietly, "You said you were a chimera…"

"Yeah, a wolf chimera, and damn proud."

"Oh. Why do you swear so much?"

"'Cause I can, you got a Fing problem with that, tin can?"

She sighed, staring at her brutally sharp, clawlike fingernails.

"Look, guys, I'm sorry if my cussing bothers you, and I'm real sorry your blonde friend got a mouthful of pavement 'cause of me. I wanna make it up to ya. Tell you what, there's a real nice restaurant 'bout three blocks from here, a little hole in the wall, but the food's real nice. What do you say to lunch? It's on me."

"What's you're name?" Alphonse asked

"Who, moi? Eh, I dun really have a real name, but I guess you can call me Amber."

Ed muttered something that sounded like a reluctant greeting.

"How' bout you guys? What are your names?"

"I'm Alphonse and that's by big brother, Edward."

Amber's nose twitched and she furrowed her brow

"Hope you don't mind me sayin' this, but your scents are a bit…off. I should be able to catch a whiff or two of sweat-scent from you, Alphonse, lugging around that great, heavy armor on a hot day like this, but I don't. And Ed smells like oil and metal."

Edward finally spoke up. "Yeah, funny you should mention scents, my nose may not be as sharp as yours, but I couldn't help but notice that you reek of blood. There's been a bunch of murders around here. Have you heard of it?"

"Yeah, I have, awful tragedies, all of 'em. Crazy bastard who's been killing all of them is one twisted psyco, I'll tell you that. They say all the victim's flesh was gone, found tooth marks on the ribs, so it looks like we're dealing with some kinda cannibal here, they says. And one other thing,"

"What?" Ed and Al asked in unison

"They all got their jugulars missing."


End file.
